Hellish by Design

IIM – it’s a dream which almost every graduate in India hopes for, even if he/she doesn’t actually prepare for. And those who prepare for it, know how damn tough it is to get into one. Hell – I tried for three years before I sneaked in under the radar! My first coherent thought after knowing that I had got an admit from IIM Indore was – ‘Ha! Fooled them! Finally! I should cross the road! My specs seem to be dirty!’ I was so excited that I was thinking everything in exclamation mode. Not until later did I realize that the process of selecting people into IIMs was very similar to how we choose a basketball – it should be full of air with a hard exterior so it can bounce back time and time again . I sometimes seriously think that the fetish with the word ‘Hel(L)’ in IIM-L has become a self fulfilling prophecy. Some sado-masochist early on in the history of IIM-L must have coined this variation of the institute’s name, and because it felt cool to be known as the ‘Devils from Hell’, the entire insti decided to literally transform itself so as to match the nickname. So much so, that people who have spent a year here actively defend the rigorous schedule here! Its like a child going up to its mother and saying – ‘Mom, please spank me for no good reason with a iron rod because I know it will only make me tough – and make sure the rod is spiked….and red hot’. And the Mom actually does so – with relish.

Its painful at the top

I know, I know - your first reaction would have been - "What an artist!". But I implore you to look beyond the magnificent simplicity of the stick figure and appreciate it for what it truly is - My first attempt at cartooning :)

High 'pressure' lives of future managers

Every time a friend calls me, there is a high probability I might sound like I am involved in heavy duty, umm, ‘action’. In this high pressure environment, there is a lot of emphasis on meeting deadlines, so I am constantly rushing from one place to the next, and so, whenever someone calls me, I tend to pant a lot. Now ordinary people would assume that its probably because I was rushing. But given that they are MY friends, they naturally assume the more optimistic option. Now whether I disappoint them all the time, is a thing best kept between them and me ;)

As I was saying, ‘Deadlines are Sacrosanct’ and there is a lot of ‘pressure’ (you will get the pun very soon). There are so many tasks to do, but none more important than the one, which if you don’t do, your ‘gross’ (pun OBVIOUSLY intended) efficiency (ratio of output to input) would become zero. If by chance you miscalculate and get the parameters like the ratio of water : food wrong, you might end up being late to class. But that’s not the worst that can happen. What can happen is this. If your body decides to spread the unpleasantness evenly between the hostel and the academic block, you might get locked inside the toilet in the academic block when the class is just about to begin. Yes, it’s a true story. And it happened to me. Today. Because of the wet weather, the doors become extremely difficult to close. But that’s fine, coz you can slam your shoulder against them and shut them. And there lies the catch. You can slam your shoulder against it, but not in favour of it. All you can do is pull the door handle hard….and watch in silent horror as the handle bids farewell to the door and ends up in your hand. But that’s when you realize how wrong your mother was to scold you for watching all those Jackie Chan movies instead of studying. Two minutes of pathetic acrobatics later, you realize you should have remembered all the stunts which Jackie Chan movies show in the end where Jackie boy gets hurt and you keep shouting ‘Shit! Shit! Shit!’ in pain, little realizing the irony in it. Thankfully, no one is there to shoot YOUR video.

That’s it. I know you would love to hear the ending where the Director had to call in the guards to break open the door in front of all my concerned classmates (concerned that they should not miss out on a spectacle like this). What pervs you are, seriously! Not one ounce of sympathy for the suffering protagonist? You deserve the ending which actually happened. I shouted for help, and a classmate heard and pushed open the door from outside. And no, I didn’t barely make it to class in the nick of time with my pants all wet. Ha!

Dincharya - Pratham Bhaag

Blogging is futile. And so are exams. But I take exams. And so, I blog...or used to..been many months now, as you would not have noticed. Things happened - I got off the Accenture bench and sat in front of a ZS computer for a year before landing up in IIM Lucknow.

Just came back from the mess after having attended an hour long lecture on what was supposed to be Operations Management but turned out to be a Lecture Series on Motivation, Whats wrong with India, Whats wrong with the managers of India, 21st century - the age of women. Kudos to SSS for not bothering with the syllabus one bit! I actually made a note which went like this 'Geeta, Chapter 18 adhishthaanam tatha karta... Success via God's grace, resources,effort, top boss support'.The enlightened soul looks exactly like the very opposite of Yokozuna, is as young as a 1 day baby is not, but teaches with the enthusiasm of one. He was unassuming to the point of actually stating that he is outdated! And rumor goes that he allows students to correct their grades in the end if they feel they dont deserve it! I am not religious, but I never said I wont erect a temple if the right god comes long :)

As for Gods, the one in charge of Rain seems to have developed a urinary infection and run out of diapers at the same time. Most of us had to write our BIO exams (BIO=behaviour in organization and not biology) in totally wet pants. Though would have been a real time saver for someone who was getting late for the exam and had to take a leak ;) FYI - I reached 30 minutes before the start of the exam so the last statement was purely my imagination!

Well, time to practise stress management techniques for an hour. Long day and night ahead with the grand finale being a grand AOE match starting at midnight in which there are high chances of me complaining under Section 375 of the IPC.

I know this was probably the high point of ur day, but there is no need to feel lost after reading this. You can do something equally exciting like remove dandruff from ur head (dont tell me u dont like doing it!) :P

if monica lewinsky had kept a blog while in white house, how wud she have labelled it?

lay-bill!

wanna frandship

A peek into the mind of a frandship seeker:

Waau! What hote photu it is her! Look as shilpa shetty. She will beutifull in real life too, sure sure. I will scrap her and want frandship of her.

Hot_ramesh: hi monica nice name......
sounds very pleasure.....
may I be frand for you?

(clicks on one of monica’s friends who had put up madhuri dixit’s pic)

Waaaaau! Sexy monica has sweet look frand! If monica no shows interest, I make frandship with priya!

Hot_ramesh: may i be chat with u

(Suddenly Ramesh spies competition. And a strong one at that. He sees the following scrap competing alongside his eloquent query: )

Raja: hi priya .im raja from kolkata. want to make a frndship with u. if u agree then reply me.

(This is no time for half measures. He digs deep into his art collection and digs out this gem, and scraps it to the unsuspecting Priya.)

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Now Raja, from Kolkata, the land uich gabe baarth to saach(which gave birth to such - for those rustics who don’t know the propaar pronunciation of these uaards) heroes of the maathaarland like Shaami Bibekaanondo and Netaji Shubhash Chaundro Bose, isn’t one to take such a direct challenge lying down. He counter-attacks with this heart melting message to the much wooed Priya.

______*CUTE*______
__*CUTE*__*CUTE*__
_*CUTE*____*CUTE*_
_*CUTE*___________
_*CUTE*___________
_*CUTE*____*CUTE*_
__*CUTE*__*CUTE*__
______*CUTE*______
__________________
_*CUTE*____*CUTE*_
_*CUTE*____*CUTE*_
_*CUTE*____*CUTE*_
_*CUTE*____*CUTE*_
_*CUTE*____*CUTE*_
_*CUTE*____*CUTE*_
__*CUTE*__*CUTE*__
______*CUTE*______
__________________
_*CUTE*CUTE*CUTE*_
______*CUTE*______
______*CUTE*______
______*CUTE*______
______*CUTE*______
______*CUTE*______
______*CUTE*______
______*CUTE*______
__________________
_*CUTE*CUTE*CUTE*_
_*CUTE*___________
_*CUTE*___________
_*CUTE**CUTE*_____
_*CUTE**CUTE*_____
_*CUTE*___________
_*CUTE*___________
_*CUTE*CUTE*CUTE*_


I’ll now make a seemingly unrelated statement. I loved J.P. Dutta’s L.O.C. Kargil. Those who watched it (or think they watched it, as most of the audience was half asleep during the movie), would remember that as the preparations for an attack on a mountain peak were about to reach a climax and the soldiers were on the verge of mounting a daring assault (and some in the audience half opened their eyes to see whether the credits had started or not), the scene used to cut to a couple on their suhaag raat bed about to do naughty-naughty when the doorbell rang and Major Sunte-Ho! (who, like most Indians, was a virgin till his arranged marriage and was about to have his first visual confirmation of all that he had seen in movies like ‘Sharaabi Raatein’ and ‘Mastaani Hai Jawaani’) was summoned to the frontier.

Similarly, I’ll also move away from this absorbing battle and focus on a certain Mr. Oberoi. Mr. Oberoi had recently hit the proverbial Yahoo Messenger Jackpot. For the uninitiated, its when you meet the woman of your dreams on yahoo messenger and both (and this is the most important part – BOTH) of you fall for each other. Yes, Mr. Oberoi had struck gold. For weeks they discussed everything under the sun, and things got so mushy that their friends who were single, started avoiding them like the plague.

Then it happened. Ms. Rai, the to-be Mrs. Oberoi (hey! There’s one hell of a coincidence! Reminds u of Aishwarya and Vivek, doesn’t it?) got an invitation to join orkut. She joined, and the first name she searched for was Mr. Oberoi’s. She went to his scrapbook, and her jaw dropped. She was too stunned to speak. So all this time….. “What a sick mind! Why did he do this to me?’

A few days later, as they were both celebrities (ok ok, I know the chances of this are too miniscule but who gave u the idea that this is a true story?) the news of their breakup hit the newspapers.

The headline in the Daily Noon was:

“Sundarya Rai breaks up with Priya Ranjan Oberoi”

Yes, that was his name. Priya. And he was a big fan of Madhuri Dixit.