Flying loo

The flight to Bangalore took off at the scheduled time on the 30th day of May, 2006. I was traveling with Jindal to join _____(can't reveal the name of the company, coz tho' plea bargaining has begun in India, I am still not a big fan of soothing body acupressure by the lathis of the gallant upholders of the law) , the company I had fooled into taking me on board. But more about that later.

A few minutes into the flight, nature started calling me incessantly, but thankfully, she didn’t turn up at my doorstep. From my previous experience on a plane, I was thinking that we would be allowed to unfasten our seat belts some 10 minutes into the flight. But 10 minutes came and went. Then 15 and then 20 and then 21, then 22….you get the picture. I was counting the minutes. . A stage appeared when I realized that nature was gonna get really angry and decide to mess up the neat and clean, non-natural interiors of the plane. At that moment, I decided to drown my dignity in a bowl of my foulest smelling juices and asked the air-hostess whether I could get rid of those plastic shackles and head straight for the 4 square feet of paradise which was beckoning me like a newly wed bride beckons her newly wed husband. The husband cant wait to be with his wife but has to free himself from friends who know only too well the reason for his desperation and so , are even more enthusiastic in their display of camaraderie with their fallen comrade. Sadly, my dignity didn’t die a martyr’s death. The air-hostess told me what I already knew – that till the light on top and in front of my seat didn’t turn off, I had to remain seated. Tho’ no one looked at me, I was pretty sure what the others around my seat were thinking – ‘Another gawaar in his first flight’. However, the gawaar had the last laugh, not because he didn’t get the joke, but because the moment the light went out, he bolted like the fabled horse who had bolted before the stable door could be bolted, straight for the promised land. And it did keep its promise. A flood of relief came over me when I released the flood within me. And then I spent some time admiring my profile in the mirror while all the gawaar-accusers stood outside in the aisle, advertising their bloated bladders to all who cared to notice. After I had got enough of an ego-massage, I emerged, at peace with all the world, save for a smirk for all the people in the aisle who would have given their credit cards to have exchanged places with me. Thus sated, I relaxed but my bowels didnt and I continued on my sojourn...