Hellish by Design

IIM – it’s a dream which almost every graduate in India hopes for, even if he/she doesn’t actually prepare for. And those who prepare for it, know how damn tough it is to get into one. Hell – I tried for three years before I sneaked in under the radar! My first coherent thought after knowing that I had got an admit from IIM Indore was – ‘Ha! Fooled them! Finally! I should cross the road! My specs seem to be dirty!’ I was so excited that I was thinking everything in exclamation mode. Not until later did I realize that the process of selecting people into IIMs was very similar to how we choose a basketball – it should be full of air with a hard exterior so it can bounce back time and time again . I sometimes seriously think that the fetish with the word ‘Hel(L)’ in IIM-L has become a self fulfilling prophecy. Some sado-masochist early on in the history of IIM-L must have coined this variation of the institute’s name, and because it felt cool to be known as the ‘Devils from Hell’, the entire insti decided to literally transform itself so as to match the nickname. So much so, that people who have spent a year here actively defend the rigorous schedule here! Its like a child going up to its mother and saying – ‘Mom, please spank me for no good reason with a iron rod because I know it will only make me tough – and make sure the rod is spiked….and red hot’. And the Mom actually does so – with relish.

Its painful at the top

I know, I know - your first reaction would have been - "What an artist!". But I implore you to look beyond the magnificent simplicity of the stick figure and appreciate it for what it truly is - My first attempt at cartooning :)

High 'pressure' lives of future managers

Every time a friend calls me, there is a high probability I might sound like I am involved in heavy duty, umm, ‘action’. In this high pressure environment, there is a lot of emphasis on meeting deadlines, so I am constantly rushing from one place to the next, and so, whenever someone calls me, I tend to pant a lot. Now ordinary people would assume that its probably because I was rushing. But given that they are MY friends, they naturally assume the more optimistic option. Now whether I disappoint them all the time, is a thing best kept between them and me ;)

As I was saying, ‘Deadlines are Sacrosanct’ and there is a lot of ‘pressure’ (you will get the pun very soon). There are so many tasks to do, but none more important than the one, which if you don’t do, your ‘gross’ (pun OBVIOUSLY intended) efficiency (ratio of output to input) would become zero. If by chance you miscalculate and get the parameters like the ratio of water : food wrong, you might end up being late to class. But that’s not the worst that can happen. What can happen is this. If your body decides to spread the unpleasantness evenly between the hostel and the academic block, you might get locked inside the toilet in the academic block when the class is just about to begin. Yes, it’s a true story. And it happened to me. Today. Because of the wet weather, the doors become extremely difficult to close. But that’s fine, coz you can slam your shoulder against them and shut them. And there lies the catch. You can slam your shoulder against it, but not in favour of it. All you can do is pull the door handle hard….and watch in silent horror as the handle bids farewell to the door and ends up in your hand. But that’s when you realize how wrong your mother was to scold you for watching all those Jackie Chan movies instead of studying. Two minutes of pathetic acrobatics later, you realize you should have remembered all the stunts which Jackie Chan movies show in the end where Jackie boy gets hurt and you keep shouting ‘Shit! Shit! Shit!’ in pain, little realizing the irony in it. Thankfully, no one is there to shoot YOUR video.

That’s it. I know you would love to hear the ending where the Director had to call in the guards to break open the door in front of all my concerned classmates (concerned that they should not miss out on a spectacle like this). What pervs you are, seriously! Not one ounce of sympathy for the suffering protagonist? You deserve the ending which actually happened. I shouted for help, and a classmate heard and pushed open the door from outside. And no, I didn’t barely make it to class in the nick of time with my pants all wet. Ha!